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I spent all of last night dreaming that I was talking Carly down from suicide.
And then I woke up to the realisation that it’s actually far too late for that, and I feel like that was news to me. She’s already dead but my heart still doesn’t know. I don’t know if I have actually been at all capable of feeling real feelings or genuinely emotionally responding to anything at all since Stef died. I’m just going through the motions. I keep telling people that I’m not here, I’m only a hologram; they think that it’s a joke but I am not so sure. I carry myself like an ambulance with someone dead inside, still thinking I might get there in time.
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There is so much to break down in this world other than each other.
I'm really interested in and amazed by lots of stuff. Particularly: - being queer as fuck - breaking everything down (other than each other) - active consent - sex-positive education - anti-oppressive language - reproductive freedom - rejecting the gender binary - cooking and eating food - dumpster diving - appreciating - being punk as fuck - Doing It Yourself - the ocean - spoken word poetry - spinning in circles - blowing bubbles - learning - teaching - sharing - this little blue ball on which we live - the solar system, galaxy and universe it is floating in - honesty - conflict resolution - books - direct action - adventuring - flexing my brain muscle - being generally amazed - you Some people who are incredibly important to me died very recently, so this blog is likely to contain lots of stuff about death and grief and suicide. If this is triggering for you or you don't wish to see it for any reason, let me know and I will do what I can to help. I also probably will post a bunch of punk music because that's pretty important right now.
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